July 2013 was when I started this little blog. 5 years ago a few friends encouraged me to start a blog about the things that we were getting up to as a wee family – I was at home with our 3 little ones. At that stage they were 3 years old, 2 years old… Continue reading A new chapter …
I wrote a blog post last week, which finished, “I just really wish you had lived”. And that is it right there. That is, right now, my life summed up if I’m honest. I just really wish that Elijah had lived. I’m currently sat in our living room surrounded by memories. Memories of good times, memories of… Continue reading When you don’t get the ending you pleaded for.
I’ve just sat down on the sofa. Jonah, Seth and Leah aren’t too long asleep. The ironing is done. The work tops cleaned. Ben is out. It’s a normal kind of night. Our computer is on … as it usually would be … there’s always someone doing something. Our screensaver is set to loop our… Continue reading I just really wish ….
#inyourcorner What’s that all about? It’s the hashtag Children’s Heartbeat Trust are using as part of their new campaign to raise awareness about Congenital Heart Disease here in Northern Ireland. And I really love it! I love the idea and thought behind it. I love what it stands for, what it represents. I love the… Continue reading #InYourCorner
I’ve just been watching the news. It’s a tough watch. Almost 18 months have passed since we ‘lost’ our precious Elijah. Only 18 months ago we were wrestling with our heads and our hearts over what was the ‘right thing’ to do for our precious baby boy. It wasn’t too long ago that we were… Continue reading The heart and the head!
It’s funny – I have sat down to write a post on here so many times in the past 4 weeks. But yet, I have never actually had the guts to write anything. I sit and I think and I want to write, but yet I feel scared to – I think it’s ‘scared’ to,… Continue reading Life goes on …. or does it
There’s something so beautiful about this drawing. Yet also something so beautifully sad. It captures us just perfectly. It says more than words ever could. I can’t seem to find sentences …. simply words. mother son love joy selfless pure bond innocent deep strong pain loss poignant sadness treasured An image can be so powerful.… Continue reading Beautifully painful.
Life now seems to be divided into – ‘before Elijah’ and ‘after Elijah’. I find myself placing the time of events in relation to whether that happened, before Elijah was here, or after. When I describe changes that I notice in myself, it seems I use terms like, ‘Before Elijah, I would have been much… Continue reading Recharged ….
A wave has come over me. Just right now. Out of nowhere. And it has me sucked right under. I didn’t see it coming. There was no build up to it. No warning. But it just knocked the legs clean from underneath me. And I’m drowning. Totally drowning. So I’m writing. I have no direction… Continue reading A wave
So. Another year is over and a new one begins. I say that with a sigh and a tear and just a hint of joy if I’m completely honest. 1st January 2017 nearly killed me, and well, 1st January 2018 has only been slightly less painful. Whilst a new year can and does fill me… Continue reading I will be fierce ….. maybe!!