Family life · Uncategorized

I’m a stay at home mum……

It’s Sunday afternoon, the kids are napping, hubster is chilling out on the playstation and I’m wasting a few minutes online with a cuppa.

For a while now I’ve been thinking about this, praying about this, chatting about it with family, friends and now I’m going to blog about it!! What is it? – “Being ‘just’ a stay at home mum”. Quite often when asked, “So, what do you do?” or “Are you back to work?” I feel the need to offer my answer in an apologetic way. I feel embarrassed at times. Lazy at times. When I answer, “Oh I’m at home with the kids” or “No, I resigned when I had J” I am often hit with, “Oooooh you’re so lucky, I’d love to be able to do that” or, “Oh it’s well for some”. And yeah I feel embarrassed. We are not rolling in it….yeah we’re in a position to be able to manage on one income, but that has come with a lot of sacrifices and a lot of hard choices.

I have just read this…..”Our culture tells women to find value, identity, usefulness and reward in career and having money. It says that we are wasting our gifts and our lives by applying them primarily to family life.” It tells us we NEED money to be happy, to survive, to live in this world. “The bible says that when we lay down worldly ambition to serve our family, we are surrendering our lives in a very tangible way to follow Christ and display his humility (Phil 2), we are working for the eternal reward which Christ has for us (Col 3:24)” You can read more here.

And now I’m curious about what other people think?!?! Do you believe this to be true? Does our culture force us to go out and work and have a career or do we place that ‘burden’ on ourselves?

I am a mummy to 3 kids and I ‘stay at home’…..I am a ‘homemaker’……why?

1. I believe that it is what God wants for me. My husband felt that was what God was telling him too.

2. I have visited Uganda many times and each time made a promise to myself and to the wonderful people who I met there, that I would go home changed. That I would go home and live simply. Managing a 5 person house on 1 income means that I can honour my promise a little easier.

3. I didn’t want to miss out on ANYTHING with my kids. I WANT to be at home with them. I want to be at home for them. I want to be the one who is ‘bringing them up’. I know…..I’m pretty selfish.

4. My Mum stayed at home with us – I LOVED it. I look back on that and am so thankful that she did.

5. I believe that it is the best thing for my kids and their all round development….spiritual, emotional, behavioural etc…

Now, there are days IT IS TOUGH. There are days I LONG to be back in the classroom as a teacher…I LOVED my job in P1…I miss that identity, I miss that authority, I miss that recognition, that place in society. There are days I LONG to have a bit of extra cash, a little bit extra to be able to buy treats, to go on holiday, to go out for dinner just because, to not have to serve up a £1 pizza for dinner because that’s all that is left in the food budget this month.  There are days I LONG for some me time, some adult conversation, a chance to sit quietly and enjoy lunch.

But, then I look at J, S and L and I smile and thank God that this is where He has called me to be.  I smile that I have not missed one thing. I smile that people comment on how happy they are, how well-behaved they are, how pleasant they are, how they are in such a good routine….I thank God for that.

I think about the fact that on Tuesday Jonah will begin his education…that he has been at home with me every day for 3 years and 7 months… but that is it 3 YEARS AND 7 MONTHS….and now he is finding his independence!! How short that was and how blessed I am that I didn’t miss 1 day of that fleeting time. I will treasure that time forever and know that when I am older I will look back on those early years and be glad that I was at home.  I feel extremely blessed and privileged to be a stay at home mum….not because I’m rich materially but because I’ve been made rich in so many other ways.

But, have we been brought up in a culture which has given us a warped thought on what it is to be a “woman”?? Has society quietly, subtly made us all “lovers of money”?? Is that too harsh?? Am I ‘lucky’ to be a stay at home mum? Are there others out there who would LOVE to be a stay at home mum but quite simply “just can’t”? Does the church not do enough to encourage young women today to think like Titus 2 and Proverbs 31? Or have ‘the times changed’? Or have we as a generation no other choice?

I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts……………..

36 thoughts on “I’m a stay at home mum……

  1. I LOVE THIS! I needed to hear this. What an important job we have….I wouldnt change it for the world. I love staying at home with my! Yes there are days that I wish I could have more money etc but to get that I would have to sacrifice precious time with my kids….Its not a difficult choice!

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  2. When I read your posts it makes me want to walk closer with God. To help me be a better mum and a better wife. I sometimes feel totally lost.

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  3. What a great post! I think each parent should answer all those questions for themselves, after prayerfully consulting with God. And us sahm’s should be braver in saying, “I stay at home because I believe it’s the best thing for my family, myself included.” Thanks for being brave enough to put pen to paper. And good luck with the “big one” at nursery! xo

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  4. I totally agree with so much of what you have just said. You have made a wonderful and very courageous decision to stay at home and raise your three beautiful babies. So many of us would really love to be able to do this, but for one reason or another we just cannot do it. Society must and should applaud those women and indeed men that carry out your job on a daily basis. Time well spent. I certainly believe that you are giving your kids the very bet start in live. Well done you.

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  5. This is a beautiful post! I love staying home with my kids too. It is a huge financial sacrifice, but worth it. I definitely have days where I miss having my own identity and career. Being a full time mom is not easy!

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    1. Thank you…..it is totally worth, definitely not easy and not the bed of roses that some think it is! But at the end of each day…..when you are totally exhausted and your little one looks up at you from their little beds, eager for one more kiss and cuddle you know it was soooooo worth it 🙂

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  6. I absolutely could have written this post!! EVERYTHING you said is true for our family too (even that my mom was home with me and my sisters too). I have many of the emotions you express about how others look at what I do, and it IS a struggle but I know it’s so important to us. Our family is doing what’s right for us. ❤
    I definitely agree that women are way too often made to feel like we're wasting our precious time if we "just" stay home with the kids, but their childhoods are PRECIOUS, for goodness' sake! I have a 13 year old and I can say firsthand how quickly childhood goes. I can't believe she's already a teen and I am so glad I spent so much time with her and that we now have a close relationship because of that time.
    It wasn't wasted. 😉

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  7. This has really touched me! I WAS that stay at home Mum and now my four babies have gone!!!! By that I mean three have gone to other places …work and Uni and the ‘Baby’ has just left school ready to fly her wings.
    My goodness where did 25 years go?
    I am going to perpetuate this message by asking my four to respond and tell me what they remember or thought or even NOTICED! regarding my being with them every day.
    This could be good!!
    Thank you for this. It has started a very positive mindset for me!
    I will get back to you!

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  8. What a lovely blog. I agree totally with her perspective. I battle not to feel embarrassed when telling people that I am a housewife and not a career woman. I am reaping the rewards as I’m truly blessed to have 2 fabulous children that I am fortunate enough to watch discover the world and thrive every day:)

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  9. This has encouraged me this morning. I am about to have my second baby and found this really inspiring. I had never thought about how being a stay at home mum means laying down a worldly ambition; this has given me some food for thought!

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  10. Love this post, it has encouraged me so much!!! I want to be at home with our daughter for as long as possible because I feel its the right choice for our family. I “WORK” outside the home one day a week on a monday (today) and I gotta say its the only evening I come home with energy to spare! Being a stay at home Mummy is HARD work!
    Thank you for sharing your heart

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  11. Karen, This is beautiful. I had tears in my eyes as I read it. I share your thoughts (and struggles) on this one, and it’s lovely to see them put so clearly and honestly. Your children and your husband are blessed blessed blessed to have you. Xo

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  12. Well said! You hit the nail on its head when you said our culture tells us we need money to be happy. I’m happy being a stay-home-mom, but I do still struggle with the money issue. BTW, I think being a teacher is very tough too, 🙂

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  13. I have been a working mom since my first born was 7 months old. I have missed school programs, my kids first times, a birthday, Christmas meals and a lot more. I do not care what the world says because all I really want to be is to become a stay at home mom and wife. I would love to be able to see my children’s milestones and have a warm meal for my husband when he comes home from work every single day. I long for this day to come. 😦

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  14. I gave up a legal career to stay home with my 3 and I never thought I would do that. I always wanted a career but we don’t have any family where we live so the cost of daycare for 3 kids would basically cancel out my additional income (and I figured why work just to be able to pay someone else to raise my kids when they are little) so I stay home. I get a lot of passive aggressive comments about when I will go back to work as if it is so easy to stay home so I must be lazy and it’s pretty infuriating at times because as someone who worked from the age of 14 to a month before I had my first child, I can honestly say that staying at home with multiple children is by far the HARDEST job I have ever had. Thank you for giving others a reminder that it is just as worthwhile a contribution as having a “real” job!

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  15. After my maternity leave I went back to work for three months before I quit and decided to be a full time mom. I got so much grief at work. People telling me I would be bored, that I was throwing my career out the window, pretty much no support. It was a hard decision to make because I loved my job but what could be more important than raising my kids? There was no way I could continue working when I had the opportunity to stay home, most women are not so lucky and do not get this opportunity.

    A lot of the women at work who gave me a hard time had put their own children in daycare at a very early age. I think these women were taking out their guilt on me. I know I felt guilty every single day I went to work because I knew I was missing out on all the firsts. I hated coming home and the babysitter asking me how long Noah had been sitting up. I didn’t even know he could sit up!

    I am glad you feel privileged and blessed to stay home, I do as well!

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  16. Great post!
    My youngest is 13 and the only one I have left at home. I recently taught indoor cycling (“Spinning”) at the gym 1-3 times per week. She got too old for the gym childcare (which she formerly loved and asked to go to on my days off) and started staying home. She wanted me to quit. Sadly, it took me a few months instead of giving my daughter and instant “yes,” but I finally quit in April. We haven’t been happier.
    A choice for family and God is always the best choice. 🙂

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  17. I love this post. I feel like being a stay at home mom is my calling. I love love love being home with my three kids, and I can’t think of another job where I was anywhere near as happy as I am now. Like you, it comes with sacrifice to work things off a one income household, and yes some days it is long and tedious. But I wouldn’t change it for the world!

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  18. Thanks for the reminder that God loves the sacrifices made to stay at home. I look at people like they are crazy when they ask what I do or if I am back at work yet! THIS is my job. THIS is my income. THIS is what I have always wanted to do (despite the fact that I went to college for a degree!)

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