Growing up is a funny old thing isn’t it? Some things don’t bother you the way that they used to, some things that didn’t bother you before, now do, and then some things are still the same…things that bothered and niggled away when you were 8, 10, 15, 18 still bother and niggle away at you at 32 (almost 33!!). And for me one of those things is confidence. Deep down I’m really not that confident a person. Sure, I can appear strong and assured on the outside, but inside I am nervous and shy and probably dying off about something!
And last Thursday evening I was reminded that that is my reality.
I had been invited along to the relaunch of Argento in Belfast. I love jewellery and I do love a wee bit of socialising, so I was looking forward to the evening. I headed off quite excited about seeing the new shop and picking out some pieces to add to my birthday and Christmas wish lists. And the new shop did not disappoint. It was/is really stunning. A gorgeous, spacious layout with so much jewellery to look at and drool over. If you are looking for a present for someone, I really would encourage you to pay a little visit, you are sure to pick up something – so many beautiful pieces to choose from.
We were treated to lovely cocktails and macaroons and Argento very kindly gifted everyone who was there a piece of jewellery. But, I missed out. Why? Because I totally freaked out and left after the first 30minutes!! I know, what?? Why?? And to be honest I don’t really know. I don’t know whether I was completely overwhelmed at the situation – there was lots of press, local celebs, other, much ‘bigger’ bloggers there, everyone looked stunning, everyone seemed to know each other, and I just couldn’t cope.
I just felt so awkward and insecure and thinking, why am I here?! I have no right to be here. People are probably thinking the same thing, “why is she here?” I had zero confidence in myself and so I left.
And as I sat in Starbucks with my Pumpkin Spice latte ( every cloud…!) I thought to myself – Karen, you are a grown woman for goodness sake! But I couldn’t help it. Sometimes things just get the better of you and you just feel completely insignificant. Not as good as others around you. Not as pretty, successful, sociable, and the list could go on…..
I realised then that you know, like it or not, some things just never change. The little shy, timid girl, who hardly spoke when she was 5 is still in there today. And while I can tell myself to wise up, catch a grip, to not worry about what other people think. I can’t help it. It’s just the way I am. And I’m learning, still learning, to be ok with that.