We can build things up in our head can’t we? And then, when the ‘event’ actually happens, sometimes, it’s not quite what we thought it was going to be. Sometimes it’s much worse than we thought, sometimes it’s better.
That was Mother’s Day this year for me. I was dreading it. The whole week leading up to it I had chest pains, palpitations and nausea. I have come to recognise that now as grief. I got a letter just the other day saying this…
Dear Mrs Bovis,
You recently attended for an echocardiogram which showed you have a normal heart.
I guess that’s that sorted then – I have a ‘normal heart’. Thanks mate. Normal maybe. Broken? Very much so.
I am learning that this thing called grief is a funny thing. It hits you in surprising ways. It is physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. It is most definitely a game changer. I know my life will never be the same again. No ‘event’ will ever be the same again. But in a strange way, and please try to understand what I mean when I say this, my life is somehow enhanced because of it. Elijah taught me so much, both in his all too short life here, but also now as he lives in heaven.
I didn’t know how I wanted to spend Mother’s Day. I had no ideas for what I wanted to do. Ben was amazing, as he always is. J, S and L showered me with love and affection. And little Elijah was with me too, in his own special way.
God however also had it sorted.
Abaana, a charity based in Bangor, have brought over from Uganda a children’s choir – New Life Choir. Please do look them up, they are incredible!!!
A looooong story short. I have been to Uganda several times. I absolutely adore the people there, I love the country. (I have blogged about it before if you would like to read more 🙂 ) In 2007 our church sent a team to work out there with the street children and we helped build 4 of the 6 houses which Abaana have to re home some of the children. Well, anyway there was one of the boys whom I got to know really well over the years. He had been living on the streets. We had built up a great friendship. I really did think of him, and his friends as ‘my boys’.
Well. HE WAS OVER WITH THE CHOIR. HE WAS IN MY CHURCH ON SUNDAY NIGHT.
The New Life Choir were doing a concert in our church on Sunday night. Amazing. Just perfect timing. They are here for 4 months, yet it just happened to be Mothers Day that they were in our church. God is good. I watched with tears in my eyes as ‘my boy’ told his story, as he sang with the biggest smile. I last saw him in 2008, he’s now 22 years old, a man with his own house and a career. Just amazing.
God had a plan for this day….even though I didn’t know what I wanted to do. God knew what I needed.
My heart was bursting this Mother’s Day – with love, with pride, with grief. I had 3 precious littles holding my hands, 1 little darling holding my heart, another little one whom we never got to meet and a whole host of little dark faces reminding me what true, everlasting joy looks like.
2 Corinthians 6 v 10 “Our hearts ache, but we always have joy.”