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Still the same.

Yesterday, it was one week until what should be Elijah’s first birthday. I guess though it is still going to be his first birthday – he’s just not celebrating, here, with us. I had been fine all day, totally fine, but then when I got into bed, I started to think. I started to think… Continue reading Still the same.

Family life · Uncategorized

Elija(p)hant!

If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll be very aware that elephants came to have a special part in Elijah’s life.  It seemed that they just kept turning up! From babygro’s to blankets, from wrapping paper and cards to things that we had bought before he was born , (not really even realising that there… Continue reading Elija(p)hant!

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Have Courage. Be Kind.

Originally posted on Making Memories in The Chaos.:
Happy New Year to you all! I can’t believe it is 2016! It’s crazy – I remember the hype over the millennium so, so clearly. It does not seem like 16 years ago. I went to a Black and Silver party in my friends barn and we…

Family life · Uncategorized

A special place

It’s been one of those weeks – one that I hadn’t anticipated being as hard as it has turned out to be.  But I have wept buckets this past 6 days.  Not necessarily all tears of heartache, some happy tears, some pensive tears …. but truthfully a lot of painful tears. Last Sunday we were… Continue reading A special place

Family life · Pregnancy · Uncategorized

Elijah B x

Elijah B born 20th June 2016 …. our precious wee man.  After what was a traumatic entry into the world, from the very beginning you started out as you meant to go on – a fighter. We’ve been told by ‘the experts’ that really you ‘shouldn’t have made it’, it’s quite miraculous that you made… Continue reading Elijah B x

Family life · Uncategorized

I Must Find My Brave.

“I must find my brave”….. Those are the words which start my journal which I began on 20th November 2016 – 8 days after Elijah passed away, and on what should have been his 5 month old milestone. Instead I found myself writing.  And that is what I have continued to do.  I think for… Continue reading I Must Find My Brave.

Family life · Uncategorized

The day I buried my baby boy.

15th November 2016 …. the day I buried my baby boy. Even that sentence just does not make sense. Everything about it is wrong. So. Very. Wrong. Yet, it is fact. That is what we had to do. Even thinking about that seems surreal. Did I really do that? Did I actually survive that? And… Continue reading The day I buried my baby boy.