Family life · Uncategorized

From the heart ….

It’s 00:04. And I’m dodging sleep. I don’t want to go to sleep right now.  I’m scared to. I’m scared of what I might dream. I’m scared I’ll wake and will have lost how I’m feeling right now. Today was a good day – we had a BBQ with my side of the family. My… Continue reading From the heart ….

Family life · Uncategorized

Elija(p)hant!

If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll be very aware that elephants came to have a special part in Elijah’s life.  It seemed that they just kept turning up! From babygro’s to blankets, from wrapping paper and cards to things that we had bought before he was born , (not really even realising that there… Continue reading Elija(p)hant!

Family life · Uncategorized

A special place

It’s been one of those weeks – one that I hadn’t anticipated being as hard as it has turned out to be.  But I have wept buckets this past 6 days.  Not necessarily all tears of heartache, some happy tears, some pensive tears …. but truthfully a lot of painful tears. Last Sunday we were… Continue reading A special place

Family life · Pregnancy · Uncategorized

Elijah B x

Elijah B born 20th June 2016 …. our precious wee man.  After what was a traumatic entry into the world, from the very beginning you started out as you meant to go on – a fighter. We’ve been told by ‘the experts’ that really you ‘shouldn’t have made it’, it’s quite miraculous that you made… Continue reading Elijah B x

Family life · Uncategorized

I Must Find My Brave.

“I must find my brave”….. Those are the words which start my journal which I began on 20th November 2016 – 8 days after Elijah passed away, and on what should have been his 5 month old milestone. Instead I found myself writing.  And that is what I have continued to do.  I think for… Continue reading I Must Find My Brave.

Family life · Uncategorized

The day I buried my baby boy.

15th November 2016 …. the day I buried my baby boy. Even that sentence just does not make sense. Everything about it is wrong. So. Very. Wrong. Yet, it is fact. That is what we had to do. Even thinking about that seems surreal. Did I really do that? Did I actually survive that? And… Continue reading The day I buried my baby boy.

Family life · Uncategorized

When you’ve hit the bottom.

That day, 12th November 2016, is a day that was so raw, so poignant, so surreal, an out of body experience, yet so very real and painful. As little Elijah took his final breath in my arms, I too thought I might never breathe again.  Truth be told I don’t think I’ve breathed the same… Continue reading When you’ve hit the bottom.