Family life · Uncategorized

It’s been a year …..

It’s been one whole year since I held you in my arms. One whole year since I kissed those chubby cheeks, blew raspberries on those double chins, rubbed that little soft fur head and held that tiny hand. One whole year. In many ways it’s hard to believe that it has been a year already,… Continue reading It’s been a year …..

Family life · Uncategorized

We will ‘keep on living’.

One phrase that has bothered me a lot over the past year is the one – ‘moving on’. Now, no one has ever said it to me …. yet. I guess though we are only 10 months down this road of grief. But still, it bothers me. I dread the thought of someone ever saying… Continue reading We will ‘keep on living’.

Family life · Uncategorized

From the heart ….

It’s 00:04. And I’m dodging sleep. I don’t want to go to sleep right now.  I’m scared to. I’m scared of what I might dream. I’m scared I’ll wake and will have lost how I’m feeling right now. Today was a good day – we had a BBQ with my side of the family. My… Continue reading From the heart ….

Family life · Uncategorized

Elija(p)hant!

If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll be very aware that elephants came to have a special part in Elijah’s life.  It seemed that they just kept turning up! From babygro’s to blankets, from wrapping paper and cards to things that we had bought before he was born , (not really even realising that there… Continue reading Elija(p)hant!

Family life · Pregnancy · Uncategorized

Elijah B x

Elijah B born 20th June 2016 …. our precious wee man.  After what was a traumatic entry into the world, from the very beginning you started out as you meant to go on – a fighter. We’ve been told by ‘the experts’ that really you ‘shouldn’t have made it’, it’s quite miraculous that you made… Continue reading Elijah B x

Family life · Uncategorized

I Must Find My Brave.

“I must find my brave”….. Those are the words which start my journal which I began on 20th November 2016 – 8 days after Elijah passed away, and on what should have been his 5 month old milestone. Instead I found myself writing.  And that is what I have continued to do.  I think for… Continue reading I Must Find My Brave.

Family life · Uncategorized

The day I buried my baby boy.

15th November 2016 …. the day I buried my baby boy. Even that sentence just does not make sense. Everything about it is wrong. So. Very. Wrong. Yet, it is fact. That is what we had to do. Even thinking about that seems surreal. Did I really do that? Did I actually survive that? And… Continue reading The day I buried my baby boy.