It’s been one whole year since I held you in my arms. One whole year since I kissed those chubby cheeks, blew raspberries on those double chins, rubbed that little soft fur head and held that tiny hand. One whole year. In many ways it’s hard to believe that it has been a year already,… Continue reading It’s been a year …..
One phrase that has bothered me a lot over the past year is the one – ‘moving on’. Now, no one has ever said it to me …. yet. I guess though we are only 10 months down this road of grief. But still, it bothers me. I dread the thought of someone ever saying… Continue reading We will ‘keep on living’.
It has been a while since I’ve blogged – I think I struggle with knowing whether or not people will want to read, whether it will connect with anyone or whether people will think, ‘what IS she doing writing about that?!’ But then this evening I feel like I should write out my thoughts, I… Continue reading Our family IS different.
It’s 00:04. And I’m dodging sleep. I don’t want to go to sleep right now. I’m scared to. I’m scared of what I might dream. I’m scared I’ll wake and will have lost how I’m feeling right now. Today was a good day – we had a BBQ with my side of the family. My… Continue reading From the heart ….
“I must find my brave”….. Those are the words which start my journal which I began on 20th November 2016 – 8 days after Elijah passed away, and on what should have been his 5 month old milestone. Instead I found myself writing. And that is what I have continued to do. I think for… Continue reading I Must Find My Brave.
15th November 2016 …. the day I buried my baby boy. Even that sentence just does not make sense. Everything about it is wrong. So. Very. Wrong. Yet, it is fact. That is what we had to do. Even thinking about that seems surreal. Did I really do that? Did I actually survive that? And… Continue reading The day I buried my baby boy.